i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
