all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
