So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
