I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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