grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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