best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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