Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
