just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
