pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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