sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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