before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
