You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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