Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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