I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
