I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
