i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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