Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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