omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
