ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
