how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
