Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
