in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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