I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize