i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
