dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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