You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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