And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
