Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
