I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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