Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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