I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
