I am in a vortex of obligation.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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