i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mom said you looked used
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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