I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
