i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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