Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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