Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want to be your penis for a week.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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