sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
