HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
