i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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