Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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