so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
