I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Panties = found
Randomize
