Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
