i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
worst night to have a conscience
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like death gave me a hand job
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
