in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
