When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
