i already hear my dad disowning me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
