I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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