I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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