Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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