Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
