how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
