i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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