Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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