Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
