my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
