Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
