DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
