I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
