i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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