let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
