she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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