The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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