Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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