Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
