i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
