tell your sister to shave her snatch
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
