Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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