Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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