so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
