Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
