We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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