I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
