I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
