i wish semen tasted like chocolate
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
