8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
