I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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