This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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