i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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