I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
