Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
