i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
