she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
