New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
