This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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