How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
